One Month

Dear Benjamin,

When you were first born I found myself wondering if I would know you in a crowd of babies. I imagined a scenario where I would have to pick you out of a baby line up and the thought terrified me. Would I recognize you? Would you stand out as my baby? I carried you for nine months but didn't really know you yet. In all that time you can never really prepare yourself for the scope of parenting a newborn. Your needs are constant and constantly evolving. 

The early days were a blur of astonishment. We couldn't believe we successfully brought you into the world. We couldn't believe how perfect you were. We couldn't believe we were parents and you were our son. What an incredible responsibility and blessing you are. God is so good.

Today you are one month old. Everyone keeps telling me they can't believe a month has past already but I believe it. You and I are in it every hour of every day. It isn't easy but we're slowly getting the hang of things. I can honestly say that I know you now and I'm completely smitten. You're pretty much the most beautiful baby there ever was. You have wild hair that goes every which way, especially while you sleep in my arms and have sweaty head. You have big dark eyes that watch everything. I can see that they're starting to turn a little more brown and less black. You're the most attentive baby I've ever known. You have dimples in your cheeks and your pouty lips are my absolute favorite. When you get older the girls are going to love this but for now I'm your leading lady and you get lots of kisses from me! This week you've been smiling. At first I thought it was an accident but I've noticed that you're actually trying to copy us. Your smile is still a little unsure and lopsided but when you do... be still my heart! Your smile already reaches your eyes and I know that you will be a joyful person. I'm convinced you'll have your share of moods. You are very vocal already. Nana and I always laugh at all your screeches, squeals, screams, and squeaks. There is nothing quiet about you! You're also very strong. You can hold your head up pretty well for your age, you've got a strong grip, and you kick off constantly. I've seen glimpses of what will later be temper tantrums, I'm sure. Your face pinches up, your body stiffens, you kick out, and let out a scream. 

Daddy likes to say you're advanced and in a lot of ways you are. I know he is sad not to be with us right now but we talk to him and send him photos all day long. He's always asking me, "What's Ben doing?" :) It's so exciting and rewarding to watch you growing everyday. I take personal pride in your physical growth because of all the hard work we put in breastfeeding. Today you weigh 10 lbs., 3.2 ounces and measure 22.5 inches long. Last night you had your longest stretch of sleep at almost 4 hours (woohoo!). Today we had our longest outing, running errands and spending your Christmas gift cards. You got a swing that Nana put together for you tonight. You won't sleep by yourself very long so I'm hoping this will help you with that. You sleep the best in my arms or in the Moby wrap. You usually have two long wake periods - once in the morning and once in the evening. During this time we're starting to introduce toys and tummy time. I am so excited to be your Mama and to see the growth and changes that will take place in you this month and the months to come.

I love you, 

Mommy